Do you ever find it hard to connect with your husband about this time of the year? I love Fall and I can’t wait for Christmas, but somehow in all this excitement, my marriage sometimes gets pushed to the back burner.
I mean, neither of us try to let this happen. It just kind of does in between the leaf peeping and light looking. We are so busy and excited about all the neat things to do, we sometimes neglect the foundational things.
You see, fun times are great, but if that’s all we do, we will still end up finding ourselves depleted and longing for love and connection. We need the foundational things, the normal things, to keep us strong… especially when life gets busy. (Which is, ahem, right about now for my family. ) 🙂
So here is our list of things we’ve found that help us stay connected when busyness hits…
How To Connect With Your Husband During The Holidays
Clean Together. Here’s a simple one to start off with. This can be done one of two ways. 1) You can both work on something together (like dishes) and talk while you’re doing it. Or, 2) You can both choose to clean separately for 15 minutes. Then, at the end of 15 minutes you can feel accomplished that 30 minutes of work just was completed.
Whichever way you choose, the point of cleaning together is to help each of you feel like you’re in this together. No one is pulling more weight than the other. It’s a way to let your spouse know, “I understand. I’ve got your back.”
Utilize Nap Time. This one is more of a weekend idea since your husband is probably working during the weekdays, but it still is just as good. Instead of just letting nap time pass you by, try planning something.
You can have serious conversation if you need to have one, but if you don’t, why not plan something fun? Like a board game, watching funny YouTube Videos, learning about something together, or you know, do what married people do in the bedroom. 😉
Life doesn’t have to be serious all the time. 🙂
Break Your Routine. This idea involves your kids, but trust me, it still has you and your husband in mind. This is for when, for whatever reason, your kids are going bonkers and you are at your wits end. Instead of just pushing through, try to shelf everything for just a little while.
Take the family to the park, throw them in the car and go get shakes, or whatever else that comes to your mind. It doesn’t have to be long, just something to break up the monotony.
Breaking your routine helps you and your husband connect because, face it, if your kids are out of sorts, you are not going to be having any nice connecting time. 🙂
Do Something Nice For Each Other Every Day. This is my favorite one. Peter and I actually came up with this idea while we were resolving being at odds with each other. It’s a great way to get you thinking about the other person.
The whole idea is this: 1) You have to do something nice for your spouse every day, and 2) You can’t do the same thing two days in a row. For example, I can’t make Peter’s lunch two days in a row and count that as my something nice. This encourages us to keep learning about each other and finding out what the other person would find encouraging.
We still are working on the “every day” part, but it’s a nice challenge. 🙂
Share Constructive Criticism. Before you think, “This isn’t going to help me connect with my husband,” hear me out. If we want to maintain strong marriages, it is imperative that we are honest with one another. This is especially true in busy seasons. It is not “taking the high road” to stuff what is bugging you. Stuffing is actually a great way to grow bitterness and create wedges in your marriage. Leave the stuffing for the turkey. Talk things out with your husband. 🙂
One way that can help you both share honestly is by practicing the “compliment sandwich.” Some marriage books call this “two happy’s, one crappy.” You start with both coming to the conversation knowing this is what you are going to be talking about. Then each of you take turns sharing one positive/compliment, one negative (whatever is bugging you), and then finish with another positive/compliment.
The key to remember in this whole conversation is to be genuine and be gentle. If you both are these things, hopefully you can have a nice conversation, resolve the potential conflict, and walk away feeling more connected than when you started.
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Sweet mama, these are just a few foundational ideas of how to connect with your husband when life gets busy. Feel free to add in your own ideas or even make up your own go-to list of good ideas.
It doesn’t always have to be great big moments of connecting. Sometimes the best moments are the small ones. The important thing is to keep your marriage front and center no matter the season.
And as a bonus, when you and your husband are connected, all the fun activities of Fall and Christmastime become that much sweeter. You no longer have to do things to try and feel connected. Instead, you can simply enjoy them and celebrate all you have been blessed with. 🙂